Depression and anxiety drive the ever constant downward spiral of my mind. A positive feedback loop of nothing positive. Imagine the old gods, of the sun and various elements of life. Imagine talking to the God of the Sun. You need the sun for life. You can’t focus, function, or exist without the Sun. Because you tell the Sun everyday how much you love and need her, she begins to grow weary of hearing the same thing over and over. So she calls upon the sea to make clouds to hide in.
That is my depression. I long for the sun but believe in my heart that the Sun wants to move on, and my depression hides her away. I call out to her, ” I need you! I love you!” And she responds, “I know and I love you, too; but I’ve got shit to do, man, and you’re a burden.”
Or so the conversation goes in my mind. Imagine feeling like you’ve lost the sun every day. Every single day is dark, gloomy. The light is as twilight, colors are dull, and thus I cry out even more to the Sun, knowing that I’m pushing away with every word.
Why is it so hard to remember and accept that she is always there? I could push away the Sun just as easily as I could stop the world from spinning.
I should have more faith in her than this. I should accept that she loves me too, and simply says it differently. She is always there. Always. Even behind clouds, her light is evident.
Love Acadaemia 